Prison Break

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June 19, 2014 by realbkw

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FINALLY, Got an SMS authentication code that allowed me back into my blog!

Anyway, I wrote this the other day in anticipation of getting discharged from the skilled nursing/physical rehab facility where I’ve been since a couple of weeks after my surgery. There’s so much that happened after the surgery that I’ll be adding all that in more posts in the next few days.

I’m entrusting this info to you with the hope you won’t blow my cover:
I’m making my break from the asylum on Monday. The exact time isn’t known yet. I’m engaging the help of, well, let’s just call him “Uncle Dave.” He’s a retired SWAT team member. We won’t needed his sniper training but he will be guiding me out through the twisting hallways – and when I say twisting hallways I mean about a hundred feet down the hall to the large lounge where the elevator is located. Uncle Dave will also be driving the getaway car. It’s unlikely we’ll need to resort to his 30 years’ of SWAT experience but he does have a pretty cool black SUV. Aren’t most getaway vehicles black SUVs? It’ll blend in nicely once we hit the road and nobody will suspect a getaway car to be moving about eight miles below the speed limit, though his refusal to use that new tangled safety device known as a blinker may attract a suspicious and alert police officer. Hopefully, should that happen, the approaching officer will observe the FOP badge attached to the license plate and will just pass us by.

We’ll call our lookout “Auntie Marcia.” She’ll bring her eagle eyes and highly developed, over her nearly twenty-eight years as a mom of two boys, skills of observation and quick decision-making to ease our escape to the X parking lot. Should we encounter any resistance, we’ll rely on her evaluation skills and her long and successful experience in corporate customer service to smooth the way. Should that not prove to be enough to get us out of a jam her accounting experience and Secretary of State-like negotiation skills will help smooth the way, as long as any suspecting employee is willing to be bribed with a check.

So the plans are laid and the clock is counting down. I have until then to prepare for “life on the outside.” Many of the guards and trustees will be missed but to be honest, I hope I never see them again! I’m determined to make it good in my new life. Hopefully I’ve conquered my propensity towards recidivism and I’ll be able to regain and maintain my life as a free woman.

There are a few things I’ll miss. We “inmates” with multiple stays in our past have a slight tendency to become desensitized to being institutionalized. Three hots and a cot, as they say. Though in my case the cots have been pretty comfy, I’ve mostly had my cell to myself, for the few cell mates I’ve had when I’ve done time at the Big House (Cleveland Clinic.) The three hots, on the other hand, will not be missed. The mushy vegetables, the tough, over cooked proteins-of-the-day, the rubbery waffles – nope, not gonna miss ’em. Not the two dinners a day, either. I’d rather have a PB&J sandwich for lunch than a full meal. And I’ll no longer have to hoard ketchup packets. Seriously, if you’re going to serve a big cheeseburger and a side of fries, it’s going to take more than one packet of ketchup to satisfy most Americans. The only good thing about mealtime is the room service. At least I never had to line up to get my slop – I mean oatmeal.

I will, however, miss the people. I was very fortunate to end up in a place like this. If one has to spend months in a skilled nursing/physical rehab facility, one couldn’t do much better than this. Believe me, I have, several times in the recent past, spent more than two months in this facility’s polar opposite. Then the food was okay but most of the¬†personnel were just there to put in the time and collect a paycheck. Some were even unpleasant, and that was on a good day! The PT was not very challenging and the OT non-existent. Staying here has been quite the reversal. The PT and OT staff has been incredible in their support and encouragement. Several times I was whisked off to the hospital and each time I came back they would help me get back on track. They’ve been very encouraging and instilled in me the confidence that I’ll be okay at home and will also be able to get back out in the real world.

So I’ll be spending the weekend finalizing the details of my breakout. After many dry runs (visits) Auntie Marcia and Uncle Dave have perfected their moves and know the route by heart. Barring any unforeseen events, for which I have a well-deserved reputation, this should be a smooth and successful caper.

Remember, Loose Lips Sink Ships so Mum’s the Word!

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